Life x

SO many times I have started a BLog post but never finished, or finished it and not hit 'publish post'. As I write this I am sitting alone eating cake mix and I have iplayer on in the background. I dont like admiting when things are not going well, weather it be with Adam, the children, anything really. But I AM going to publish this post.

I like to be in control, at least feel in control. I dont like people thinking I am week, or cant cope.

Truth is though things aint ok.

Take tonight, I have done lots with the children, we have been out for most of the day. I am tired, it took us two hours to walk home. All me and Adam have done is argued. It starts about one thing then goes on to another and another. Its like this this more often than not.

Now I have started this I dont know what to say. I dont want to start been nasty about Adam. That is not fair. I want to be happy though. I want to feel loved and wanted and warm inside.

I feel cold and empty and alone.

I know I a very lucky to be a SAHM, I love my children more than anything and I know things change when you have children etc etc. But I would like to be happy x

Mother Camp

We were lucky enough to go to The Mother Magazine family Camp this year and we had such a great time. A lot was learnt and we have already been putting things we learnt and experianced into our everyday lives.
It was so refreshing to be able to let the children run free and explore and be in the outdoors with no barriers or restictions, to know they were safe and yet not within arms reach. Not being the odd one because I breastfeed both the girls or because we wear the girls. Just support, encouragment, nourishment - exactly what we needed! It is ok not be on the same page as everyone all the time - that would just boring but to meet new people and be respected not judged understood and not alianated was so comforting!
Once again the food was fab and the way camp ran was fantastic - thats all down to Veronika, her wonderful family and of course stewards.
A sacred space was created (thank you Keeley) and the energy all around was electric. You could really feel the elements around you.
Highlights for me include baking bread with Eleanor (we normally bake when she is sleeping -  I feel she is a little young but actually she isnt!) sitting by the campfire (we now do this at home with our fire pit) and the astrology workshop with Veronika - I really want to have my chart done and start reading more now!

I had better go but if  you would like to know about camp (this year or even next year) then go to http://www.themothermagazine.blogspot.com/ x

i know i shouldnt...

As I sit and wrote this I know there are a thousand and one things i 'should' be doing right now, but after this crazy busy week (seeing friends, babysitting, the never ending cleaning/tidying/sorting etc of children and pets and the shopping) I have decided to sit down for five minutes and say hello.

ok ok so obv I do sit down most days and I do get some time to myself, but it never feels like enough - but if I had a hour/2hrs/3 or 4 a day would it still fell like *enough*? i doubt it. I love my children, I love my friends and I know I'm not very good sat staying in - I feel isolated very easily and I remeber how quickly that downward spiral began when I had Jack, I finally ended up on anti depressants and NEVER wanna go back there. But there is a difference between not going out and only going out two or three days a week right? lol x

I have been reccomended a book to read by two lovely ladies so thats next on my to do list, oh and sort some paperwork this weekend for a very good friend who is going to have a baby soon (and has asked me to be her Doula - yay!) and I am working tomorrow with CWM (Carnegie Weight Management) oh and sunday its ice skating, the Green Backyard Craft day and seeing my parents as they hae been to America and Canada - see?!!? lol x

and in other news.......... CAMP IS TWO WEEKS AWAY!!  - I am SO excited! :)

my monday..

(inspired by laura)

playing in the rain
dancing to the thunder
being moved and inspired by The Mystic Cookfire
making pizza dough
shelling peanuts
cleaning
decluttering
simplyfying

loving live right now x

Fathers Day

I am lucky to have a great dad - Paul Isaacson and i happen to know quite a few fab daddies - Adam Currie, Russ, Dave, Paul R and Jez to name just a few x We are lucky to have such a network of dads, grandads and 'uncles' around us who suppport us, bring joy to our lives and who have all helped us become the people we are today.

Some of those people are no longer with us, including grandad, grandad Tom, Pa and Pete x gone but never forgoten.

Finally big shout out to all those who are expecting a baby at the moment, especially if its your first - happy fathers day for the first time! or for those ho have done it before its your first fathers day with another little one!

Nurtured Family Nutured Earth

Well, what i great day that was! Not only were we able to share the day with some great friends but we got chance to reconnect with families we met at camp last year and match some faces to names we often see on TM yahoo group.

There were stalls with some fab items for sale (how i wish i hade more money) and we came away with some fantasic books, (thank you Veronkia), we got a doll for Eleanor for her birthday (in July) and i got Gracie some beautiful handmade shoes.

There were talks throughout the day and although I only attended the talk at the end of the day it gave Adam a chance to be involved as he went to two talks while I soaked up the atmosphere with Eleanor and Jack got the opportunity to explore the grounds of the beautiful venue (we hardly saw him all day)

The talk I went to see was 'The Nutured Family' by Veronika Sophia Robinson and I took so much from it, from little things we can instantly incorperate into our everyday lives to things that we used to do that we have let slip and we will be reinstating, there were also things that we will be weaving into our everyday lives that need to be arranged and planned a little more but we will get there!
Veronika spoke of ten 'threads' can can be woven into our daily lives, including nature, sleep and love . many of the ideas were very simple and inexpensive but can add so much to our and our childrens, whether you are an unschooling family or not I strongly reccommend that you get the accompying booklet - information from http://www.themothermagazine.blogspot.com/

For more information about the fab day that was Nurtured Family Nurtured Earth check out www.theredthreadmotherscircle.blogspot.com

x

Veg....

ok so i know you may have seen this on my facebook page but two days later this is still bothering me so i thought i would empty the contents of my head here :)

I get an organic veg box but lately things have started to bother me about it - the amount of packaging (esp plastic) the amount of imported veg i seem to recieve the rising price and i have had several items (esp the bunched items) have arrived mouldy. It led me to thinking about and looking into alternatives, we have already decided to move away from the *new* way of thinking - buy EVERYTHING at the supermarket and when we do go to the supermarket we dont shop in any of the 'big four'. I get milk delivered (and juice - all in glass bottles :)) I get veg and meat separate and we bake cakes/bread etc ourselves.
So back to the veg - i know organic is best (for everyone/thing) involved but if i cant have that and be happy with it what about suporting a local business? a local greengrocer who is delivering mostly local (but not organic) produce - no packaging (apart from the cardboard box it arrives in) and much of it is sourced from local (within the same or neighbouring county) farms.

I tried to talk to adam - 'its only veg' was the reply i recieved! I know that. I know also that if we always try to stick to EVERYTHING we belive in shopping would be a full time job in its own right!

I guess we have to do what we can when we can right - and the best for our family at the time, there is no point having veg if we have no house t oeat it in right? lol, ok so its no-where near that extreme but still, its food for thought x