SO many times I have started a BLog post but never finished, or finished it and not hit 'publish post'. As I write this I am sitting alone eating cake mix and I have iplayer on in the background. I dont like admiting when things are not going well, weather it be with Adam, the children, anything really. But I AM going to publish this post.
I like to be in control, at least feel in control. I dont like people thinking I am week, or cant cope.
Truth is though things aint ok.
Take tonight, I have done lots with the children, we have been out for most of the day. I am tired, it took us two hours to walk home. All me and Adam have done is argued. It starts about one thing then goes on to another and another. Its like this this more often than not.
Now I have started this I dont know what to say. I dont want to start been nasty about Adam. That is not fair. I want to be happy though. I want to feel loved and wanted and warm inside.
I feel cold and empty and alone.
I know I a very lucky to be a SAHM, I love my children more than anything and I know things change when you have children etc etc. But I would like to be happy x
the start of something
19 hours ago